


Kiss and Tell

by Not_You



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Drunken Confessions, F/M, Harems, Light Bondage, Memory Related, Multi, Steve likes girls, Vaginal Fisting, Voyeurism, boys' night in, clint you cannot drink asgardian mead, story time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-05
Updated: 2012-09-05
Packaged: 2017-11-13 15:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/504747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_You/pseuds/Not_You
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for this prompt on Avengerkink:</p><p>http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/7940.html?thread=15131396#t15131396</p><p>The prompt text is really long, but suffice it to say that Steve's time in the USO served him well, and that he is only the most technical of virgins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss and Tell

They've finally figured out how to get Cap drunk. All it takes is time, dedication, and three big tankards of Asgardian mead. Tony is sticking to scotch, and Clint is definitely swaying after his four ounces of mead. Thor beams at them, delighted to share his booze.

"How are you feeling, Captain?"

"Fffunny." Steve giggles, and flops back onto the couch. "I get it now. Why people drink."

"Well, I'm glad we could help you with that, son." Clint is very serious until he breaks into a fit of hopeless snerkling, curling up in his armchair.

"Our little man is growing up," Tony sighs from the other chair. "Soon he'll lose his virginity."

Steve doesn't say anything, since he is still a virgin. Technically. But when Clint chimes in with, "We'll have to start slow. Just show him an actual naked woman first, go from there."

"Hey! Screw you, I'm only a technical virgin."

"Oh really?" And Tony sounds far too interested. Steve wasn't raised to kiss and tell, but hell, it sure can't hurt any of them now.

"Yeah, really. That was the one good thing about all those damn USO shows."

"...Wait, seriously?" Clint sits up.

"Men were scarce, and I've got a lot of energy."

Thor roars with laughter, and raises his tankard to Steve, eyes sparkling.

Clint grins, easing onto the arm of the chair. "So what have you done, then?"

Steve blushes, and Thor refills his cup. "Another good draught shall make you bold enough to tell us."

"Don't do me no favors," Steve mutters, and takes a long swig of the burning-sweet liquor. He feels warm and loose, and shivers, remembering. They had been so pretty, and so kind to him through all those rehearsals and miserable stage fright. Alice had been the first, a bold little thing with blue eyes that didn't look innocent at all. He had honestly been pleased just to get to second base, to have something to think about besides feeling like a fool and missing Peggy. And then she had tucked his hand under her skirt and showed him exactly what to do, kissing him and making these soft little noises into his mouth.

"I see that your mind is in the past, my friend." Thor smiles softly, and ruffles Steve's hair. He's surprised at how nice it feels.

"Mmm... Yeah, it is. There were forty of them in the company, counting four alternates."

"What'd you do, draw all of 'em naked?"

"Some of that, but other stuff too. I mean, I am a virgin, but I'm a virgin like that Catholic girl who sucked Bucky off the first time. God, he was insufferable for at least a month..."

"We're talking about you, not him." Clint points out, gesturing with his ill-advised second glass, sloshing a little over the side.

"Party foul," Tony mutters, "but he's right."

"Yeah, yeah. Slave-driver. Anyway. There were forty of 'em, and I fooled around with..." He pauses, counting on his fingers. "Um. Jane, Alice, Helen, Dorothy, Lois, Irene, Florence, Rose, Millie, Mary, Louise, Ruby, Ruth, Doris, and Mattie and Ella let me watch them together." He smiled. "That was fun."

Clint blinks. "...Holy shit, dude."

"Who was the first?" Thor asks.

So he tells them about Alice, and about how slippery and wet she was and how making her come had taken a solid hour and been worth every second. "I didn't actually expect anything--"

"Are you fucking real?" Clint mutters.

"--But she said she was no tease and helped me out. Barely had to touch me by then. God, she was gorgeous. I was kinda confused, and asked her exactly where I stood. And she told me flat out that the others would rip her to pieces if she didn't share."

Thor laughs. "I am certain she was right."

"Maybe so. The official rules were no drinking and no men, and I think you can imagine how a bunch of young chorus girls on the road stuck to that."

"Not at all," Tony stage-whispers to Thor, "Like, even a little."

"I didn't go all the way with any of them. I had those army-issue prophylactics, but it was better safe than sorry since getting knocked up right then would've been one of the worst things to happen to any of them."

"Ah, so you count yourself a virgin because you have not had every part of a woman yet."

"Yeah, I guess. That's just kinda how we counted it back then. Sort of."

"I find it strange, shield-brother. But I shall respect it."

"Spoken like a gentleman and a scholar, Blondie. So, what about Mattie and Ella?"

"Oh, they just never complained about the lack of men, and never went after me, either. Dumb as I am, I thought they were just really good friends until Louise tipped me off. And then someone dared them to let me watch, and they said okay."

"Well, yeah, sure. We've all had lesbian friends come through in the clutch. But what did they look like? How was it?"

"Mattie was a leggy redhead." He takes another swig of mead. "Less ass than I like, but tits 'til Tuesday." He looks into his cup. "Maybe I shouldn't have done that."

"You sooo sshould." Clint has been perched on the edge of his armchair for a while now, and yelps as he slides off and into the seat, feet flying up.

Tony applauds, and Thor steals Clint's cup before he can spill again. "You have done well, but I think any more of this would kill a mortal man without Steve's enchantments."

"You mean enhancements."

"Whatever." He stands. "Please, save the story until I return."

"Sure thing, buddy." Steve waves vaguely and stares into space until Thor gets back with a pitcher of water for Clint and prods Steve out of his reverie and gets him back on track. "Oh, right. Well, Mattie was kind of mean and had these green eyes like a cat, and Ella was one of the alternates even though she was at least the third-best dancer. Her mother was... hell, 'octoroon' was old-fashioned then, can't be right now. Creole?"

"People mostly just say mixed-race these days." Tony finishes his scotch, and begins the soul-searching involved in deciding whether or not he needs another, idly rolling the glass in his palm.

"You could barely tell. She was as pale as the other girls, but pale brown, not pale peach, and I suppose someone thought her hair was too curly. I still rank her one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, and I'm hanging around with Natasha and Pepper. And Darcy, when she and Jane visit. Darcy's really cute..."

"Is she, then?" Thor murmurs, and Steve is drunk enough not to notice.

"Anyway. Ella. She had these wonderful dark eyes kind of like yours, Tony. ...Is that queer?"

"He does have pretty eyes," Clint admits, drinking straight from the pitcher.

"It is a bit queer, but not very. You just have good taste."

"Hah. You're not nearly as pretty as Ella. She had an amazing figure and always wore rose perfume. It was funny, I expected Mattie to take the lead since she was the closest to butch of either of 'em, but she just let Ella do whatever she wanted with her." She had just melted back on that cheap hotel mattress and covered whatever she could reach in kisses as Ella had worked most of her hand inside her, and Steve shivers. "God, it was amazing. I didn't even know you could fit a whole hand, but Mattie really liked it."

"Watch out for the femme ones," Clint mutters. "S how I wound up with a ten-inch dildo up my ass and Thor what the fuck was in that mead?!"

"Ooh, we need to do story time more often. Did you draw the lesbians, Cap?"

"Of course I drew the lesbians!" He draws himself up, affronted, then flops back again. "But I have no idea where that sketchbook ended up."

"Some perverted museum curator has it, and we shall wrest it from him. Or her. ...Unless she's really hot."

"I'm touched, Tony. Really. Dickhead."

"Whatever, tell us more about totally fucking but technically not fucking chorus girls."

Steve sips his mead. "Well, after Alice, Helen showed me how to lick pussy and that was fun. Might be my favorite out of all of it. She was from Brooklyn too. I told her I could tell 'cause of the way she yanked my head around. Kinda flat-chested, but the most perfect shape and legs a mile long."

"So a bit like the Lady Pepper."

"Watch it, Hammertime."

"What? She is a very lovely woman, surely you've heard people say so before."

"I don't mean anything bad by kinda flat. I mean, Pepper's skinnier than I usually like them, but it's like she's been compressed for efficiency. It makes sense."

"...So that was an _engineering_ boner the other day." Tony suddenly beams. "Thanks, Steve, you've helped clarify things."

"Anyway, Helen started me on that and then I think it was... Yeah, it was Ruby who sucked me off first. That's good too, but I always want to move and worry about choking the poor girl. I worry about the taste, too. Ruby said it was nasty but Dorothy liked it, so who knows?"

"And what were these two like?" Thor pours himself a little more mead.

"Okay, the divinity thing? Starting to buy it," Clint mumbles.

"Both blondes, but Ruby's came out of a bottle. Nearly white, really artificial. It worked for her, though. Dorothy was more of a farmer's daughter. Yellow hair, pink cheeks, the whole bit. Very sweet. Gosh, I'm drunk."

Tony beams. "You sure are, baby. Was anyone down for the weird stuff?"

"Weird stuff?" Thor blinks, and Clint giggles hysterically.

"...Well, Florence let me put it in her ass once." He blushes, putting a hand over his face. "She said it was good, but that she could barely move afterward and had to dance the next day, so..."

"Okay, I gotta ask: did the serum actually make your dick bigger? Seriously now. For science."

Steve rolls his eyes. "No, it didn't. Why the hell would it do that? Bucky used to say it was the only gift God had seen fit to give me, and that I'd get more girls if I could legally display it."

"He was probably right. It's kinda too bad you're not from around here, chronologically. Little and wispy has had a big following for quite a while now."

Steve chuckles. "Too bad."

"What was Florence like?"

"Is this a fertility deity thing?"

"What good are bawdy tales when you don't know what the girls look like?"

"...Fair point. Forget I said anything." Tony sets his glass down, drunk enough.

"Florence was the thickest girl in the line. Nice and soft and the smoothest skin ever and I really, really loved it. Just rubbing against her was good too, though. She made these little squeaky noises and had big grey eyes and cussed like a sailor."

Thor smiled. "A worthy bedmate indeed."

"That's about it for anything all that unusual... Well okay, Rose and Millie did do that one thing."

"Which one thing? Hey, is Clint asleep?"

"It would appear so."

"Well, he works hard." Tony reaches across and pats Clint's head. "He needs his rest. Anyway, before we all pass out, what one thing?"

Steve blushes again. "We were in this hotel in Rockford, and they tied my hands with Rose's favorite scarf, so I couldn't move at all if I didn't want to be a jerk and break it, and had to let them do whatever they wanted." He squirms. "...I liked that a lot. That was also only the once."

"Man have you come to the right time. You know you can go to classes about how to tie people up better?"

"Ten bucks says you're fucking with me."

"Oh man, I don't even feel right about taking that. It's cruel, I refuse. Hey, Jarvis?"

"Sir?"

"You got that footage from Mistress Willow's workshop? The '09 one, not--"

"Of course not, sir." Jarvis displays the far less revealing footage, of Tony standing there with his usual lunatic grin, being the model for a shibari demonstration, and winking at the adorable girl in the front who kept asking questions.

"...I'll be damned," Steve mutters.

"Fuckin' great, isn't it?" Tony grins, and Thor finishes his mead and scoops Clint up, carrying him off to his own room as Steve weaves to his and Tony falls asleep on the couch because all that moving stuff is too much effort. He thinks of Steve in an orgy of chorus girls, and drifts off with a faint smile.


End file.
